MBA 优秀statement of purpose范文评析
07-25, 2015
MBA 优秀statement of purpose范文评析
【Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date.】
If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.
【点评：】开头段落撰写非常不错。作者在开头部分对后续段落的内容进行简要概括，同时有助于吸引读者注意力-----激发了读者好奇心，并使得读者想继续阅读下去。
My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.
【点评：】这段中，作者按照diversity这个线索进行展开。论述中提到的一些方面比如很强的分析能力，数学技能以及工作经验，这些点对攻读MBA非常重要的。作者在这段中说到自己在获得学位过程中，没有浪费任何时间，而是不断积累工作经验。段落中谈到的做自愿者的经历对于申请MBA来说也是非常有优势，因为大学院校都喜欢有社会责任心的学生。所以当你写自己经历的时候必须要真实----在侃侃而谈之前，确保你有真实的例子支撑，比如自愿者工作或其他社会工作，这样叙述将大大增加可信度。作者最后一句对整段做了总结。
I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.
【点评：】现在我们谈谈第三段。作者按照diversity这个线索来安排文章内容是不错的。“Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University”这段作者暗示限于篇幅从这些经历中获得很多无形财富无法展开叙述。紧接着作者谈 'most important achievement'略显有点唐突。
During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touch with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.
【点评：】第四段作者表面上是介绍作者自己处理一个难题，实际上说明两点：
1.她一直在家族企业从事基础工作，并且不断需求工作上的改进；
2.她对常见的软件很熟悉，同时计算机技能熟练。
I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to a newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.
【点评：】第五段第一句咋一看给人感觉作者有点高傲自大，但是当你阅读完整段时候，就能看出作者真挚之心。
Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated.
【点评：】第六段紧接着第五段叙述，整段内容系统，有组织，且经过深思熟虑。#p#分页标题#e#
Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading. To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to be a tacit compliment for my efforts.
【点评：】这段内容表明作者相当成熟，以及从这个项目中获益匪浅。当针对某个问题只有一个解决方案时候，你可能解决不了这个问题。实施解决方案通常是最大的困难所在。作者也意识到公司变革很难立刻看到效果，必须经过一段时间再对结果进行评估。段落最后两句说明这个项目对公司管理者思维方式有很大影响。
This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my confidence in my abilities.
【点评：】最后一段作者评述了自己从这个项目中收货。她已经成为该项目推动者，并取得了巨大成就。总体来说，结尾写的非常不错。如果作者在结尾处用一到二句谈下自己从项目中学会合作等，就更好了。
【Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date.】
If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.
【点评：】开头段落撰写非常不错。作者在开头部分对后续段落的内容进行简要概括，同时有助于吸引读者注意力-----激发了读者好奇心，并使得读者想继续阅读下去。
My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.
【点评：】这段中，作者按照diversity这个线索进行展开。论述中提到的一些方面比如很强的分析能力，数学技能以及工作经验，这些点对攻读MBA非常重要的。作者在这段中说到自己在获得学位过程中，没有浪费任何时间，而是不断积累工作经验。段落中谈到的做自愿者的经历对于申请MBA来说也是非常有优势，因为大学院校都喜欢有社会责任心的学生。所以当你写自己经历的时候必须要真实----在侃侃而谈之前，确保你有真实的例子支撑，比如自愿者工作或其他社会工作，这样叙述将大大增加可信度。作者最后一句对整段做了总结。
I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.
【点评：】现在我们谈谈第三段。作者按照diversity这个线索来安排文章内容是不错的。“Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University”这段作者暗示限于篇幅从这些经历中获得很多无形财富无法展开叙述。紧接着作者谈 'most important achievement'略显有点唐突。
During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touch with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.
【点评：】第四段作者表面上是介绍作者自己处理一个难题，实际上说明两点：
1.她一直在家族企业从事基础工作，并且不断需求工作上的改进；
2.她对常见的软件很熟悉，同时计算机技能熟练。
I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to a newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.
【点评：】第五段第一句咋一看给人感觉作者有点高傲自大，但是当你阅读完整段时候，就能看出作者真挚之心。
Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated.
【点评：】第六段紧接着第五段叙述，整段内容系统，有组织，且经过深思熟虑。#p#分页标题#e#
Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading. To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to be a tacit compliment for my efforts.
【点评：】这段内容表明作者相当成熟，以及从这个项目中获益匪浅。当针对某个问题只有一个解决方案时候，你可能解决不了这个问题。实施解决方案通常是最大的困难所在。作者也意识到公司变革很难立刻看到效果，必须经过一段时间再对结果进行评估。段落最后两句说明这个项目对公司管理者思维方式有很大影响。
This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my confidence in my abilities.
【点评：】最后一段作者评述了自己从这个项目中收货。她已经成为该项目推动者，并取得了巨大成就。总体来说，结尾写的非常不错。如果作者在结尾处用一到二句谈下自己从项目中学会合作等，就更好了。
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